I've been told by more than a couple of people in my life that I need to slow. down. My mother, mentioned in my last post, for one.

I do rush through a lot. Even just day-to-day things, I'm thinking about what I'm doing next, never really content with where I am now. Like all day, I can't wait til lunch, I can't wait til I get off work, I can't wait to go to bed, etc. I can't wait til the weekend, I can't wait to graduate.

But now is a great thing. I fail to realize its greatness. I need to learn how to sit still. And be content with how things are right now, and realize that this is not the way things are alway going to be. I'm craving more stability in my life, but that's not in the cards right now. Ok. So I learn to appreciate things being in flux. I can see the beauty in the excitement.

Stability. Like solid walls and a solid relationship and the next five or so years figured out. How boring is that. Settling down? Why do I crave this? A routine, comfort, predictability? Or, as Virginia Woolf puts it, "firelight and the limbs of one person"? Now is for the opposite of stability, so later when I look back on this time, it'll be with nostalgia for the surprise and unpredictability, the options. Well. I don't know if I'll ever look back on this particular semester with nostalgia. I'm rushing to be friends again. I'm rushing to move on. Father, I have sinned, and I want to do it all again eventually, in the words of the Hold Steady.