I broke free on a Saturday morning.

I put the petal to the floor.

Headed North on Mills Avenue,

I listened to the engine roar.

I am gonna make it through this year,

If it kills me.

I am gonna make it through this year,

If it kills me.

-The Mountain Goats

Some good things that have happened lately

Pumpkin bread like my mom makes at home baking in my oven.

Riding my bike to school.

Buying the album Born to Run--Hey it's me and I want you only.

Running 2 miles easy

Eating cereal with blueberries in it at 2 in the morning

Sweet tea

Stretching

Talking on my porch

Hand-holding

I dreamed I was pregnant. I woke up.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez: "'Tell him yes,' she said. "Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no.'"

Shoulders

Lake Michigan, it was really the strangest place I've ever swam. It felt like an ocean, but no salt water and no waves. It was a great sort of cold, clean and light.

Dr. Wranovix's comments on my paper: "Your essay raises and excellent question and offers a judicious response. Your excellent writing made it a pleasure to read."

3 pages finished in 30 minutes.

It hit me the other day that, here I am as a senior in college, I still don't want to leave school. I do have several months to go. And I do have my share of almost intolerable classes, but then I have one or two classes that are so great they make up for the hours of sitting in Business Law or Scientific Writing.

I have a feeling I'm not going to be finished with school in May--I know I'll go back, either to teach or to learn more. I can't really imagine doing anything else, to be honest.

"Put your ear down close to your soul,

and listen hard."

-Anne Sexton

Food

I've really enjoyed cooking lately. I used to hate it because my first cooking experiences involved helping my mom, and she was always very particular about the way she wanted things. Meaning sometimes I got criticized, which is one thing I did not like at 7 years old and still do not take well to. I was always coerced into it, too. And it took FOREVER. We'd spend like five hours making cookies, and all I really wanted to do was be outside.

Nowadays, I have embraced the art of cooking. My perspective and situation are different now. I now have to cook for myself, or go out, which I try to avoid. And I don't want to have pb&j every day, so it looks like I've got to get creative. That's what I've enjoyed about cooking: looking in my fridge and seeing what I can make out of the stuff I have. I always get really proud of myself when I come up with something a little odd, but delicious. Or something not so obvious. It's a game I play with myself.

I've gotten interested in eating too...I mean, I've always looooved to eat, but the connection between eating and spirituality is interesting. I've also been more aware of the effect that food has on my body, and trying to eat more healthy. And even how I'm eating, whether I'm eating at a table, or in front of the TV, and trying to make eating into the ritual it is with my family.

I tend to get stuck on certain fruits/vegetables and use them in everything I make for a week or two weeks or whatever. A couple weeks ago, it was avocados. Right now, it's peppers. I am all about some peppers right now.

Things I could have done without:

Junior prom

Maybe all of high school, actually?

That fifth or sixth drink, on many occasions

Self-doubt

Regret

Fear

Any retreat I've ever been on

Things I'm glad I did:

Pulling good all-nighters as a freshman (there's a time and a place).

Choosing the more difficult route.

Reading almost every book I've read.

Reaching out.

I was taking one of those tests the Career Center provides that's supposed to tell you what you need to be when you grow up. I had to rate my "overall happiness" on a scale from 1 to 10. A friend of mine said "You've been at a steady 4 until recently." Well, dear reader, I have decided I am currently at the unbelieveable level of 8. 8 means that I wake up in the morning and I'm not really all that tired. Small events, like cooking lunch, make me happy.

Part of this is, obviously, having someone wonderful in my life who tells me I'm...lots of things. It's so important that someone tell me the good and call me out when I'm being intolerant.
And part of it, less obviously, is moving into a new house, feeling like my life isn't stagnant. Part of me misses the apartments and how easy it was to walk to class, and the general familiarity. But even more than that, I love living in a house, with a lawn and a living room and a dining room, as opposed to a large room that quadruples as a living room, laundry room, dining room, kitchen.

I love having space to breathe.