I've felt a lot of clarity in these past couple of weeks. I've felt a lot of peace as well. This is a very good thing. I think it comes from being alone, solitary. When I'm with someone, I am REALLY with them, so much so that I feel as though I've been woven into his life. I don't know if I can be any other way. There's so much force and motion and life in my days when I was with someone. There wasn't a lot of peace. That experience was still fantastic. I loved it. But this new solitary life is incredibly freeing, and I haven't really noticed or appreciated this until now. Sometimes in the early hours of the morning, when I'm driving home in the snow, there's that ache, but I'm learning to recognize it, acknowledge it, and breathe into it. It's part of me, part of my past and my present, so I have no choice but to let it exist and love it.

I wear my heart on my sleeve to a large extent with this blog. But again, I don't know any other way to be.