I've been thinking a lot about playing it safe, versus going out and doing what you want, what you really want. You know what I mean, the kinds of things you do just because you want to do them, the kinds of things that either make you feel like a better person, or the things that just make you smile, the things you do because you love it. The kinds of things that make you feel alive.

I think we all aim lower than we should. There's always the fear of failure, or rejection, in anything. The more you love something, the more it hurts to fail.

For me, there are these BIG things I want to do, and there's this person who I want to be, but I know fear stops me from being that person. There's the fear that you won't be able to deal with the pain that comes with failure. Honestly, when I think about what I want to do with my life, and the possible career paths, wondering how I would be happiest, I find myself pushing away certain options because they seem too good to be true, or too unrealistic. I would love, absolutely love, to be a music journalist, and actually I don't know if that's technically what the job is even called. I want to review records, and interview bands, and write about it. I could do this. But I'll tell myself that it's impractical, how many jobs like this exist out there? I'll doubt myself, saying that I don't know enough about music to do this. I don't know how to write about music.

Anyway, I say enough with the doubt and second-guessing and fear and the comfort of settling into something that I know I can do, something boring. I need to try more things that I don't know if I can do.

On another note, I need to get back in school, back in my life ASAP or I think I might forget how to write...Everything I've written lately has been this annoying stream-of-consciousness thing where I basically zone out and let my fingers type, or write. It's straight from my brain to the paper, or computer screen, maybe it would be better if it went through some filters before spilling out here like this.