I guess there was caffine in that coffee/mocha milkshake I got from Baskin Robins. Oops. This could explain why I'm still awake at 1am (about an hour past my bedtime).
OR it could be that Barcelona is a GO now. For serious. Cross my heart. Serious in the sense that it hasn't fully hit me.
OR it could be because I've been reading Thomas Merton. Apparently I am Thomas Merton. I'm sure many teenagers/adults go through a similar spiritual loss and preoccupation with other things, but I'm getting worried if I'll be able to find my way back into some sort of spirituality. Because I can say that line, "I'm not religious, but I am spiritual," but it's bullshit. I'm not even spiritual. I don't pray to anything, or feel like anyone is looking out for me. What scares me is that I've been perfectly complacent in that. I think more about papers I'm writing and people I'm with than the existence of God, something infinitely more important. I think what I need is a redefinition of God, but that's so much easier said than done. I don't know where to start. I guess with throwing out all that freaking rationalism that I can't let go of.
There's too much on my mind.
So Sufjan Stevens songs are religious. It took me some time to realize this. It was unexpected. I love his blend of all these different elements.
"In the morning, in the window shade, where the light pressed up, against your shoulderblade, I could see what you were reading.
All the glory that the Lord has made, and the complications you could do without, when I kissed you on the mouth."
-Casimir Pulaski Day
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