Anne Sexton is brilliant.

"She is so naked and singular.

She is the sum of yourself and your dream.

Climb her like a monument, step after step.

She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.

I wash off."

-"For My Lover, Returning to his Wife"

Sometimes, in the blinding spring afternoon,

It's not so much a feeling of heartache, of "I miss you"

But a feeling of aimlessness, of empty hands,

And a need for a corner of my world to feel like home.

There are loose-ended Friday afternoons

When my body wants to to lie around

For however long in bed, falling in and out of sleep

Writing words on your back with the tip of my finger,

And scrawling plans for the summer

With sleepy cursive

That mimics the curve of your chest.

As for me, there are scars on my body

That you don't know about.

You may have uncovered them,

If you had taken a breath

And let the frenetic energy

That was always in your chest

lie. still.

"I hid behind a mound of earth that had been dug up to make a grave for some old books, literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell to the foor he kissed it, when he was done with a book, he tried to give it away to someone who would love it, and if he couldn't find a worthy recipient, he buried it, I looked for her all day but didn't see her, not in the yard, not through a window, I promised myself I would stay until I found her, but as night began to come in, I knew I had to go home. I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays? I walked back with my head down, I couldn't stop thinking about her even though I hardly knew her, I didn't know what good would come of going to see her, but I knew that I needed to be near her, it occured to me, as I walked back to her the next day with my head down, that she might not be thinking of me. The books had been buried, so this time I hid behind a group of trees, I imagined their roots wrapping around books, pulling nourishment from the pages, I imagined rings of letters in their trunks."
-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

A Resolution

I just had a revelation. Which will be followed by a resolution.

I take vitamins and eat organic mac and cheese and go to yoga and run and do all these things that are healthy for me, but I drink waaaaay too much. As in, three nights a week I get somewhat tipsy or straight-up drunk. This is so bad for me. My liver can't be in good shape right now.

I'm going to drink less. I'm not going to stop drinking. Hell no. But a) I can have a lot of fun without getting wasted out of my mind, and b) I spend too many days hung over.

On another note, I had the greatest yoga class ever today. Every pose felt fantastic. I had crazy, superhero balance. I feel awesome right now. I got a new dress that I can't wait to wear this weekend. I got a haircut. I am feeling good.

Life has been absurd lately.

My adultness and my ability to get over it is being tested. Every part of me rebells against that getting over it.

Otherwise, I've been quite happy.

The Trapeze Swinger

"Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger"

Iron and Wine makes my heart hurt.

"I've got a perfect body

But sometimes I forget,

I've got a perfect body

Cause my eyelashes catch my sweat."

-Regina Spektor

You are beautiful.